I Quit. Should have done it long time ago. In fact shouldn't have started at all. But me being the restless impatient guy (restless usually and impatient rarely) I just couldn't resist it. But then as usual I was taught a nice ruthless lesson again. The moral of the story was "Dude, What the Fuck were you thinking". Yes that is the moral of my life till now.
So this started from a very young age.First expectation was that I can study. Like hell I could. I mean come on. There are heaps of better stuff to do. Even at that age. And to make matters worse there were a lot of people who had the same expectations of me. A lot of people means a seriously lot of people. Parents, brother, friends, teachers, uncles, aunts, cousins and even the milk man. Baba tum ko kam se kam 90% toh lana hi hai (Baba you have to score atleast 90%). So when I scored a little amount of marks at the first milestone of my life, I was happy. But everyone else wasn't. So that made me unhappy too. Then came the second milestone. This time the marks dipped a little more. This time I wasn't happy and so was everyone else. Boom goes all the expectations.
My parents still had expectations from me. So there I went. I was destined to be an engineer. Good marks still eluded me. This time it got real serious and I started flunking. I can listen to the expectations flowing down the drain. But I still held strong. Because this is the time it gets starting real complicated. I met a girl. Love bloomed. It wasn't that easy but somehow it did. World seemed just the right place to be. No weather was bad. No time was wrong. I could do anything I wanted to. But what I least expected was what I had coming next. Suddenly everything left me. Again my expectations crashed on top of me. This time I was hurt real bad. So I kinda lost it.
I took challenges head front. I didn't let emotions affect me. Only thing that mattered to me at that point was my parents and their expectations. No one mattered to me. Not even myself. Noone's expectations, noone's beliefs nothing. But life hits you the hardest when you least expect it. Then came someone else again. Between the previous one and the present one there had been a lot of people around. I was indifferent to them. I was what people say the insensitive a-hole. But then this one changed it.
I started the same indifferent way. But something changed. I was back to the my normal self. Expecting, giving, trusting. I was the usual open book self. But somewhere deep in there was a feeling, a thinking that this is too good to be true. But I kept on going. It was summmers and then came the first hit. I beared it. Strong willed and practical it didn't make any difference to me. I still kept on going. Still expecting, still giving, still caring. Life was still good. My studies were good. Had good, in-fact awesome, friends. I was smiling.
Then came winters and with it the second blow (I guess this was becoming a seasonal thing. Once every season). It hit me real hard. Real hard means really very hard. So instead of sulking and crying I created a new theory. Calling it the "Reverse Emotion Theory" . Yes we engineers are forced to think this way. So I started staying completely opposite to the emotions I had. That is what the theory says. I started staying happy, again became indifferent, was having fun. Went back to the same person with the strong will of not letting them make a difference again. But you know what happened again. I don't need to write it I guess.
So I started again. This time it was really good. Everything was going awesomely good. But then this being summer, here it came again.And oh what timing it has. So much has happened that now I feel that if nothing happens in a summer or a winter then something is wrong. Seriously wrong. So now I just do stuff to hurt myself. Actually no I don't.
I am happy the way I am living. Giving, loving, caring, joking, eating, drinking err.. I don't drink (this is in case mom dad read this). But there is that "Expectation" part I want to quit. Till then thou shall fight strong.
They say there are 7 vices. Which are Pride, Greed, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Jealousy and Laziness. But believe me there is another. Its called Expectation. Everyone should refrain from it. Do not expect from anyone. Easy said than done right? Yes. But sometimes expectations is what it takes for realisation, to make you come close to the one you love, to make them expect from you (and in some cases use that opportunity to hurt them).
So just like that I Quit working on how to Quit to Expect.
So this started from a very young age.First expectation was that I can study. Like hell I could. I mean come on. There are heaps of better stuff to do. Even at that age. And to make matters worse there were a lot of people who had the same expectations of me. A lot of people means a seriously lot of people. Parents, brother, friends, teachers, uncles, aunts, cousins and even the milk man. Baba tum ko kam se kam 90% toh lana hi hai (Baba you have to score atleast 90%). So when I scored a little amount of marks at the first milestone of my life, I was happy. But everyone else wasn't. So that made me unhappy too. Then came the second milestone. This time the marks dipped a little more. This time I wasn't happy and so was everyone else. Boom goes all the expectations.
My parents still had expectations from me. So there I went. I was destined to be an engineer. Good marks still eluded me. This time it got real serious and I started flunking. I can listen to the expectations flowing down the drain. But I still held strong. Because this is the time it gets starting real complicated. I met a girl. Love bloomed. It wasn't that easy but somehow it did. World seemed just the right place to be. No weather was bad. No time was wrong. I could do anything I wanted to. But what I least expected was what I had coming next. Suddenly everything left me. Again my expectations crashed on top of me. This time I was hurt real bad. So I kinda lost it.
I took challenges head front. I didn't let emotions affect me. Only thing that mattered to me at that point was my parents and their expectations. No one mattered to me. Not even myself. Noone's expectations, noone's beliefs nothing. But life hits you the hardest when you least expect it. Then came someone else again. Between the previous one and the present one there had been a lot of people around. I was indifferent to them. I was what people say the insensitive a-hole. But then this one changed it.
I started the same indifferent way. But something changed. I was back to the my normal self. Expecting, giving, trusting. I was the usual open book self. But somewhere deep in there was a feeling, a thinking that this is too good to be true. But I kept on going. It was summmers and then came the first hit. I beared it. Strong willed and practical it didn't make any difference to me. I still kept on going. Still expecting, still giving, still caring. Life was still good. My studies were good. Had good, in-fact awesome, friends. I was smiling.
Then came winters and with it the second blow (I guess this was becoming a seasonal thing. Once every season). It hit me real hard. Real hard means really very hard. So instead of sulking and crying I created a new theory. Calling it the "Reverse Emotion Theory" . Yes we engineers are forced to think this way. So I started staying completely opposite to the emotions I had. That is what the theory says. I started staying happy, again became indifferent, was having fun. Went back to the same person with the strong will of not letting them make a difference again. But you know what happened again. I don't need to write it I guess.
So I started again. This time it was really good. Everything was going awesomely good. But then this being summer, here it came again.And oh what timing it has. So much has happened that now I feel that if nothing happens in a summer or a winter then something is wrong. Seriously wrong. So now I just do stuff to hurt myself. Actually no I don't.
I am happy the way I am living. Giving, loving, caring, joking, eating, drinking err.. I don't drink (this is in case mom dad read this). But there is that "Expectation" part I want to quit. Till then thou shall fight strong.
They say there are 7 vices. Which are Pride, Greed, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Jealousy and Laziness. But believe me there is another. Its called Expectation. Everyone should refrain from it. Do not expect from anyone. Easy said than done right? Yes. But sometimes expectations is what it takes for realisation, to make you come close to the one you love, to make them expect from you (and in some cases use that opportunity to hurt them).
So just like that I Quit working on how to Quit to Expect.
